What are ducks worth?

The San Jose Mercury News reports today that the reward money is piling up for information leading to the capture and conviction of the motherfucker who killed almost a dozen ducks at a Campbell, Calif., car wash late last week. I used to be a reporter in Campbell, and I saw those ducks often. I never gave them a second thought, however, until I read that some guy ran over a bunch of them and ripped the necks of others.

Needless to say, my heart goes out to the poor things' souls now. And I hope the authorities catch the sucker who did it and tar and feather his ass before they take him to the slammer with other murderous swine.

As you can see, I refrained from the silly jokes like "the birds forgot to duck" or the even more banal "they were sitting ducks." Turns out I didn't have the heart to ... and besides, after looking at the byline of the reporter that CBS5 got to cover the incident, I didn't think we needed any more irony.

I went to school with that woman at Milpitas High School! Go Trojans!